It took me a long time to remember who I was. I’d forgotten where I’d come from & why I chose to come here in the first place. My memory was always hazy, but there were impressions I felt that were hard to shake. Somehow I’d always known I was different, that I wasn’t from around these parts, but rather somewhere far, far away. Realizing that I wasn’t even from this planet, maybe even this galaxy, however, was more than I’d ever dreamt to be the case despite how strongly the suggestion resonated within me.

I don’t know if I’d come to the conclusion on my own or if it had been planted in me, but it became a theme that I’d stumble upon throughout my life. I felt a disconnect from the world of illusion that surrounded me, that threatened to drown me. This plane of shadows never fooled me, and I knew that the body I was tethered to wasn’t who I really was. This constant feeling of dissociation helped me stay clear of a lot of the usual pitfalls, but other challenges plagued me instead.

“Starseed,” she’d called me. This word echoed in my mind, bouncing off half-formed structures crafted from similar substances. There was something to this; I knew it. There was something here, exactly what I’d been struggling to uncover for years. It was like she’d given me some integral part of the puzzle, yet I still wasn’t sure what to do with this new piece of information.

“Sit with yourself,” she’d said. “Let yourself feel what you know is true. Trust in your wisdom & hibernate until you’re ready to break free of your cocoon. Your time will come, but you are not ready yet.”

What did it mean? What would become of me if I followed her advice? Would the pain & suffering, confusion & desperation finally clear up, finally allow the light into this world of darkness I’d lived so long in?

When I closed my eyes and rested against the firm ground, I opened myself up, freeing myself of all I was keeping locked inside. I was tired of carrying the weight of the world inside of me. I cast out the chaos, letting it seep out, emptying me so I could finally be rid of its heaviness. I drifted into the heavens & the stars welcomed me like they’d missed me, like they recognized me as one of them. I breathed in the cosmos & was rejuvenated, full of energy and purpose in a way I’d never been before. I felt supernovas exploding inside of me, the swirling stardust being thrown back together and creating new life within me. The universe was talking to me, embracing me, and I had a sense of comfort I’d been searching for my whole life. My purpose had been shown to me, my path finally revealed. I opened my eyes and at once remembered who I was.

“Starseed,” I whispered. “I am a Starseed.”

Published by Jax Bayne

Autistic artist, writer, consultant, researcher, analyst, and systems engineer. Occasional axe thrower, model, cosplayer, gamer, & streamer. Latinx ace/demiflux masc enby. SpIns: #autism #bhaktiyoga #comics #fantasy #games #horror #linguistics #moths #neuropsychology #scifi

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