Q&A Series: So are you a male mind in a woman’s body?

Not quite, but that’s a good starting point.

See, the thing is, this whole “gender/sex/identity/etc is a spectrum” thing is a lot less complicated than it’s been made out to seem.

After education became standardized by government mandates, the curriculum taught to children was structured in a very unhelpful way. What we are being taught in schools isn’t actually factually accurate most of the time either due to a lack of information that we haven’t discovered yet, a misunderstanding of the info we currently have, or simply a straight up altered/fabricated fact that has been woven in for political control of society.

In terms of science (i.e. biology & other related fields), gender/sex has NEVER been binary. There is no single living entity or species that is purely binary because our world is a complex webwork of infinite interconnected shades of gray. There is no pure black nor pure white, cut & dry facts dividing things into neat little boxes the way that we’ve been trained to desire since birth, and this is a huge part of why it FEELS like it’s so confusing & complicated simply being alive. We’ve been brainwashed into desiring things that are either nonexistent or unattainable. This is part of what’s contributing to the skyrocketing numbers of suicides & homicides. It’s why everyone is so miserable & thinks life is hell. We’re living in a hellish reality that’s been carefully constructed, but it’s our choice to keep living that lie. We don’t have to live like that anymore. All the information you need is at your fingertips now! Google, google, google! But don’t forget to cross reference!

For too long now, we have been taught that there are only two biological sexes & two gender identities that exist in human beings, but this is veryyyy far from the truth & is actually only a recent belief that’s been forced onto everyone. Those who are “coming out” as “non-binary” in the modern western world are simply challenging the preconceived notion that those ideas are fact. We are simply saying, “Hey, wait a sec, guys. Before you try to assign categories & put people into boxes, maybe just try to get to know them as people first & focus on the inside more than the outside.” We aren’t trying to invade your space or make you do anything you don’t wanna do. We are simply saying that we are here, too, so if you’re struggling to accept our existence, perhaps it’d be beneficial for you to take a look at what you think you know about certain subjects & do a bit more research before forming any super firm conclusions or opinions on it all. Just take a split second to think about stuff & maybe gather some additional information before reacting to what’s happening/being said. That’s called being respectful & considerate of another living being. No more, no less.

I was hesitant to make public claims about something I feel is so unimportant in the scheme of things lest people start to believe that I’m someone who identifies with their physical form in some significant way. I don’t. My body couldn’t mean less to me other than that it’s my vessel of experience in this particular lifetime. I want to do my best to take care of it because it will operate better if it’s healthy & satisfied. I’m making some changes because I believe it will make my overall quality of life better, & I unfortunately need to bring up some specific subjects & conversation topics for people to get a better understanding of why/how it will all work exactly. I’m sharing this info not because I care to some excessive degree what others thing about me, but more out of a desire for less inconvenient & draining social interactions in the future.

Part of being an introvert means that I get tired when socializing very quickly. Writing blog posts like this isn’t socializing. I’m just sharing thoughts & feelings as they are arising within me. Answering questions, while I totally am happy to do so if they’re respectful & well-intentioned, can drain me a bit, so it’ll sometimes take me a bit longer to respond to them, but the thing that drains me the most is casual small talk where I don’t know exactly what the QUD (question under discussion) is, i.e. what the other participant(s) of the conversation are desiring to get out of it. People will say that they don’t want anything; they just want to talk to talk/spend time together. This is actually false. Humans get together to socialize to grow emotionally closer together, to receive validation on their own experiences, to understand things better, to entertain/be entertained, etc. There are myriad reasons why people socialize, but the truth is there always is a reason. If I don’t know what the reason is going in, conversations can get dicey because I don’t pick up on the subtle non-verbal cues others are throwing in to try to help guide me. When people aren’t picking up on cues, the one dropping them may feel insulted, offended, confused, hurt, etc. This is also for many reasons, but this is all topics for another discussion than the one I’m having in this post.

The reason I mention how draining it is for me to socialize is that a lot of social interactions with people I don’t know (and unfortunately even with some I DO know), is because it relates back to my decision to transition my outward gender expression in this new year. Gender is an expression. Biological sex is a description, but it’s only relevant to medical professionals, so it’s no one else’s business. I have chosen to attempt to withhold expressing a lot of attributes of my personality because it was inconvenient to have to attempt to manage the reactions I was getting with my limited social energy reserves that are so easily depleted. Now, I am making the connection that if I did put a little more energy/effort into some form of outward self-expression, take this a bit more into my own control instead of allowing others to dictate it, I might get LESS drained in future social situations because even if there will be the occasional extreme reaction like hate speech or hate acts coming from a place of fear/lack of understanding, this will not be the norm. At least, not if I choose to keep living in safe/supportive communities like I have been. I know not everyone has this privilege, so I do consider myself extremely fortunate in this regard.

In having these discussions in a public forum, I’m hoping that I can help show others that these are not things to be afraid of or embarrassed by or intolerant of. There’s nothing weird or abnormal or unhealthy about any of this. It’s simply talking about things that were swept under the carpet in our society long ago. Thankfully with the advent of the interwebs, we can now disseminate information that “the powers that be” may not be too keen on giving out. Knowledge is power, right? So if we share all the new info we are getting with one another & checking the validity & soundness of it amongst ourselves, it’s only a matter of time before the cultural consciousness & zeitgeist naturally shift, thereby forcing the political hands. Let’s stop focusing on what all of these relics of the past are doing & get on board with the way of the future. Free information flow! Helping each other by constantly working to improve ourselves!

Right now, I’m working on getting my mind/body healthy & finding a way to participate more fundamentally in human society whilst still feeling that I’m maintaining as authentic of a self-expression as possible at all times. I feel like I’m getting closer. Talking about it all in the public eye helps because then I can reflect on all of the feedback, comments, questions, and reactions, and use that additional info to further refine my own mental paradigm.

It’s scary to choose to be happy when you never thought you had the power to make such a decision before ever. You wonder if it’s a trap, a deception. You wonder if you’re just going to get hurt again if you allow yourself to dream, to hope once more. So, let’s be brave! Let’s allow ourselves to take the chance to risk our emotional safety for the possibility of greater gain! Life is scary because it’s about coming to terms with infinite unknowns & the fact that we don’t have any control over anything but our own experience of existence. But scary isn’t bad! Scary can be great! It’s thrilling. It makes you feel alive. And EVERYONE is scared. Even the people doing all of the things you WISH you would/could do. They’re scared, too. After all…

Published by Jax Bayne

Autistic artist, writer, consultant, researcher, analyst, and systems engineer. Occasional axe thrower, model, cosplayer, gamer, & streamer. Latinx ace/demiflux masc enby. SpIns: #autism #bhaktiyoga #comics #fantasy #games #horror #linguistics #moths #neuropsychology #scifi

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